Because I am a man and must be strong and competent at all times, because I have had such an idyllic upbringing of love and opportunity, and because I have never suffered, I always feel that I do not have permission to be broken. I’ve never been abused or experienced relentless pain, so how dare I be broken? I’ve been given so much opportunity and love, I should always be the strong one for others to lean on! Right?

God’s not letting me get away with that anymore. I’ve been moving forward so quickly with him – partly because I’m excited and partly because I don’t want to deal with the pain inside me – that I haven’t addressed my great brokenness, and I haven’t let God address it either. So, I’m going to take some time to:

1. Be honest about my brokenness and tell God how upset I am about it.
2. Let God reveal more pain I didn’t know I had buried (ouch!).
3. Let God reveal the wicked sources for all that pain.
4. Ask God to heal my pain and transform my heart and mind.
5. Train myself, moment by moment, to think, feel, and live in a new way.

This is especially new territory for me, so if anyone has any advice or resources for this kind of process, I’m all ears.