Warning: I’m about to engage in some serious whining before you and God. But don’t worry; it’s a fully Biblical practice (check Psalms and Lamentations, for starters).

In weaker moments, I hold a grudge against God that my dedication to his ban on premarital sex means that I will probably live 6-10 years of my absolute sexual prime without having sex. And I’m upset with Western culture of the last few centuries that has, for the first time in all human history, put a 10-year gap between sexual readiness and responsible maturity. Schooling (due to the recent explosion of available knowledge) and our obsession with depriving children and teens of responsibility has left us with a frustrated youth who are ready for sex at 12 but emotionally, financially, and legally too immature for family responsibilities until about age 20. (This is still not the case in most nations of the world, where women usually marry in their mid teens.)

Going without sex feels a bit like I’m withering within; slowly decaying in a passionless pit. And not because I’m missing out on some splendid physical sensation. Sex is not about “sex”. Sex done right is about trust, loyalty, intimacy, passion, romance, generosity, service, and true love. Really. To me, it is the greatest expression of all these between man and woman, as God intended. These treasures are what my heart longs for; sex happens to be the vehicle for them (with nice side effects of pleasing physical sensation and health benefits that easily surpass those of any other activity).

But I do praise God that I don’t have bigger complaints. Like extreme malnutrition or a history of sexual abuse.

I’m learning to become less dependent on my expectations of trust, loyalty, intimacy, etc. with a good woman and more fulfilled by my experience of those treasures in my relationship to God. I’m also learning to surrender any images I had of my future wife; they are sure to bring disappointment and only stand in the way of God setting me up with a far better woman than I could discern with my own blind eyes.

How do I keep forgetting that God is smarter than I?

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